How To Let Go Of Bad Friends

The title of this post may sound harsh. But being able to say “you know what, that person is a bad friend to me” is an incredibly powerful step towards becoming more assertive about what you do — and don’t — need from your friendships. As life moves on, we have to be kind to ourselves, and dedicate our time to the people who give as much to us as we give to them.

It can be liberating to realise that accepting that someone is a bad friend to you doesn’t mean you’re writing them off as a bad friend to everyone. Some people are compatible and some people are not, and this can change as the years go by. Your best friend ten years ago might not be able to empathise with the way your life is now, or vice versa. You don’t have to keep making room in your life for everyone, and if someone is actively making you unhappy, it’s perfectly OK to create some distance between you.

That’s not to say that letting go of friends is easy. Relationship expert Jamye Waxman wrote a book about how to ‘break up’ with anyone, and in it she guides readers through the practical and emotional aspects of ending non-romantic relationships. The first step is to recognise when a friendship has become unhealthy, and this itself isn’t necessary simple.

Telltale signs might include:

• A sense of discomfort when you receive a call or message from your friend

• A persistent feeling that you are always giving them emotional or practical support, and never receiving any in return

• Spending all of your time with this friend listening to them, and never having the space to share what’s going on in your own life

• Noticing that this person wants to see you a lot when you’re low, but isn’t interested in you when you’re happy and successful (or vice versa)

• Feelings of resentment or anxiety associated with this friend

When you know that a friendship isn’t healthy, it might be time to consider how to let it go.

Depending on the person and the depth of your friendship, you may wish to have a conversation and explain to them that you want more space. Or it may be better to distance yourself without explicitly telling them that you’re doing so.

You deserve to have positive, mutually supportive relationships. While everyone goes through bad periods and most people deserve a second chance, it isn’t your job to take care of those who persistently bring you down. So don’t feel guilty about being assertive and ending friendships that cause you grief; your wellbeing is just as important as theirs.

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